[Again. Again and again and again and again. He takes the blame. He apologizes to him, without a fight. Why? This is the one person he knows who doesn't back down to anyone. Not a perverted, sick yet well-renowned teacher, not a scumbag fraudulent artist, not a don, not the CEO of one of the world's most successful corporations, not the prospective and popular minister elect of Japan. There was not a force in the world that could keep him down.
And yet he concedes to Akechi. He allows him to hurt him, again and again and again. Akechi keeps pushing him away and he just keeps coming back. Akechi keeps fighting him and instead of fighting back, he submits. Akechi keeps attacking him, tearing open old wounds again and again and again, and he just accepts it.
Why?
For a long time he just stares at that message, trying to decipher this. Trying to figure this out. What the hell was Akira doing all this for? Why was he making himself suffer so much at Akechi's hands?
All he had to do
was turn away
from this disaster
and forget him.
All he had to do
was to stop talking to Akechi
to stop interacting with him
and this cycle of pain would end.
It was so simple.
Like clicking the cross on the upper right-hand corner of a browser.
Like swiping a finger to close an application on a phone.
Don't be naive, Kurusu-san. I killed the mother of one of your thieves and the father of another.
In fact, I would bet that you are the only one of your entire group who would continue to insist helping me.
[He doesn't deny that many of them had extended a hand even after the fight was over, but that and actively going out of your way to help someone, as Kurusu was doing, were two completely different things.]
There is willing to try to understand, and then there is fighting a losing battle with someone who isn't interested in rebuilding burned bridges.
[He's not. He'd barely tolerated Akira as it was, and then after that conversation? Well. It'd hurt so much more than he was ever willing to admit to himself, let alone to Akira.
[But it isn't about Kurusu, is it? No, he's well aware of just how difficult he's being. And he knows that one day, he will give up, and that will be that, and it will be better for everyone involved.]
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timeasmymeasure
un: purrusu | day 15
Date: 2018-01-28 01:22 am (UTC)just sighs
Date: 2018-02-13 06:14 pm (UTC)what's cooler than being cool...............
Date: 2018-02-14 03:22 am (UTC)having enough money to support your family
Date: 2018-02-14 03:47 am (UTC)akECHI...
Date: 2018-02-14 03:54 am (UTC)Frankly, he knows he deserves that even if only due to his incredibly awful wording. ]
How are you?
Really?
having custody over my kids, seeing my wife again, living in a house, having money to pay for food
Date: 2018-02-16 01:59 am (UTC)[har har.]
Why bother asking at all?
shakes u????
Date: 2018-02-18 05:38 am (UTC)... I'm sorry, Akechi.
[ He. Wanted to say that in person...
... but... ]
alright alright alright alright?
Date: 2018-02-18 05:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-02-18 06:05 am (UTC)This isn't pity.
no subject
Date: 2018-02-18 06:20 am (UTC)After all, I was just an unfortunate, insignificant pawn caught in the crossfire of something so much more important.
no subject
Date: 2018-02-18 06:31 am (UTC)The situation we're in is no excuse, and neither is what happened just before that talk.
You have every right to be angry at me and never trust me again.
no subject
Date: 2018-02-18 06:55 am (UTC)And yet he concedes to Akechi. He allows him to hurt him, again and again and again. Akechi keeps pushing him away and he just keeps coming back. Akechi keeps fighting him and instead of fighting back, he submits. Akechi keeps attacking him, tearing open old wounds again and again and again, and he just accepts it.
Why?
For a long time he just stares at that message, trying to decipher this. Trying to figure this out. What the hell was Akira doing all this for? Why was he making himself suffer so much at Akechi's hands?
All he had to do
was turn away
from this disaster
and forget him.
All he had to do
was to stop talking to Akechi
to stop interacting with him
and this cycle of pain would end.
It was so simple.
Like clicking the cross on the upper right-hand corner of a browser.
Like swiping a finger to close an application on a phone.
Like closing a door.
Like turning around and walking off.
That's all he had to do.
For a split second, there's a lapse of judgment.]
Why?
1/???
Date: 2018-02-18 07:45 am (UTC)and: ]
Everything I said came out wrong from the point I was trying to get across to you.
2/???
Date: 2018-02-18 07:46 am (UTC)I'd wanted to emphasize that we wouldn't be doing all of the work.
3/???????
Date: 2018-02-18 07:49 am (UTC)We all shared the burden with destroying each of our own shackles.
So, of course we'd help you!
.... nope there's still more after this
Date: 2018-02-18 07:51 am (UTC)There's no doubt in my mind that all of the other thieves would agree...
5 to represent...???? (aka DONE)
Date: 2018-02-18 07:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-02-20 01:58 am (UTC)In fact, I would bet that you are the only one of your entire group who would continue to insist helping me.
[He doesn't deny that many of them had extended a hand even after the fight was over, but that and actively going out of your way to help someone, as Kurusu was doing, were two completely different things.]
no subject
Date: 2018-02-20 06:41 am (UTC)They're willing to try understanding everything you've been through... just like me.
How can I help you or even fully understand you, if you keep shutting me out?
no subject
Date: 2018-02-22 04:07 pm (UTC)[He's not. He'd barely tolerated Akira as it was, and then after that conversation? Well. It'd hurt so much more than he was ever willing to admit to himself, let alone to Akira.
... he doesn't want to hurt like that again.]
no subject
Date: 2018-02-22 04:13 pm (UTC)It would only be a losing battle if I gave up.
no subject
Date: 2018-02-22 04:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-02-22 05:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-02-23 12:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-02-23 11:28 am (UTC)I guess I shouldn't be surprised you make a habit of seeing the worst in me.
no subject
Date: 2018-02-24 03:54 am (UTC)So, did you need anything else?
no subject
Date: 2018-02-24 03:56 am (UTC)Have a good night.
no subject
Date: 2018-02-24 03:57 am (UTC)Goodnight.
[This was what he wanted, right?]